Mind Your Mind

Q– My 12 years old has always been consistent with her school work, enjoyed completing her tasks and never required a reminder to complete the assignments. She used to ask me to sit with her while she completed her work and was excited to show it to her dad when he returned from work. Gradually this ceased to happen and whenever I ask her for any school assignment she would say, she has completed it and I would believe. However, I was surprised to get a note from her teacher that she has been skipping work, especially to be done at home and has been giving excuses of stomachache or visiting grandparents, etc. for not completing. I am really angry, but not sure how to deal? -Mrs. A

Ans Dear A, I can understand your anger at her for hiding from you, lying about excuses to the teacher and to you. I can also see that you are angry with yourself for missing out on such an important part of your child’s conflict. Perhaps the anger comes from the feeling of being cheated by your child or from the thought that ‘how can this be happening to me’. Either way, first step is to accept the situation, and take a deep breath because she is stepping into teenage and more challenges for you and her are on the way. Next comes the understanding that there has been a communication gap between you and her; whereas you continued to think all is well and she was struggling to run away from her conflicts. Therefore, it is time to pay attention to keeping the channels open and you cannot risk it by confronting her; rather take time be comfortable yourself and begin to talk about what happened, showing consistent respect for her feelings. Try to problem solve the situation with her verbalizing the alternative ways that she could have solved her problem. Try using “I statements” to show what you would have done at her place, but without showing her down. Another important message to communicate is your expectations from her, especially when she faces challenges or conflicts showing her the way she can express her feelings. It is an opportunity to develop bonding and mutual trust and helping her to be responsible and resilient.

Q-  Having worked at senior managerial level for almost a decade; I have a comfortable living, a caring family and all the things one wants in life. However, the position that I have achieved through consistent hard work and putting my best times and energy into doesn’t excite me the same way. Although I am admired by my seniors and respected by those under my supervision; but something is not well inside. I fear if it is depression? Mr. B

Ans  I would say what if it is! Like all other illness, depression is also just an illness. Like other diseases, it has treatment and one can get well.  Yes, the severity and treatment may differ from one person to another. But the right step would be to consult your physician and move on as he/she suggests. Please also spend time to review your lifestyle, especially the time you are spending on self care through exercise, socializing with friends and family, bonding with loved ones, traveling to your favorite destinations, or spending time on your hobbies. Consistent work for years may lead to exhaustion; besides a variety of other conditions that need your attention and care. However, for a successful and goal oriented manager like yourself, managing your own life style would not be a problem! Time to take this assignment in stride, best wishes.

1. Q. Last year I was on one of the fun trips with a couple of other friends and we met with an accident. The friend who was driving was declared dead on reaching the hospital. The other friend had multiple injuries and my injuries took a long time to heal. I was shocked for sure, but kept talking to people, and felt that I am moving on. But, honestly I am a changed person since that day and cannot keep the images of the accident and my friend’s face out of my mind. Wherever and whenever, I keep getting memories of the incident. Mr. C

Ans. My dear C, what you are going through is often a reaction to the shock that you went through due to the accident. I completely understand the emotional pain and flashbacks of the accident that you experience. It is the result of trauma and grief that you have gone through during and after the accident. I would like to suggest that you meet your physician at the earliest, you may be referred to psychiatrist; who would prescribe medicine if need be and psychotherapy.

DISCLAIMER: The answers given in this column are not to be taken as a professional psychotherapy service.  It is completely educational in nature. Please note that each individual’s situation is different and one must consult a therapist for psychotherapy service or advice.

Rima Sehgal PhD

Registered Psychotherapist

rima.sehgal@fulbrightmail.org