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Mind Your Mind

Posted in Body & Soul

Published on March 31, 2017 with No Comments

Q- I am very worried about my 11 years old daughter whom I find sulking, crying, withdrawing on little things every day. She has complaints about her school work, other children in her class, food, etc. It is disturbing to see her upset and angry, and if I show her where she is wrong, she gets even more upset. My younger one is getting neglected in the process and our dinner time is spent trying to make her feel better.  Mrs. Y

Ans. Hi! I can totally understand the discomfort of a parent in such a situation. I truly appreciate your efforts to talk to her, reason out and express your support. However, it seems we are missing a point somewhere. Although, children go through similar feeling like us, but their ability to express what has hurt and why they are feeling the way they do is comparatively limited. I would think that your goal here is to identify the source of her discomfort within that is making her find faults with others around and solve the problems that are causing those behaviors. Taking help of her teacher and school counselor may be a good idea. Meanwhile, make a rule around the house of asking each other how their day was and identifying one good and one not so good experience during the day. This may encourage her to look for something positive and give opportunity to shift focus away from herself. Continue with usual bonding, hugs/kisses and genuine appreciation.

Q I am an undergraduate student at University and have noticed that although I am going to classes, attending activities, participating in fun with friends; there is a constant numbness of emotions. I have to force myself to do all of these; internally I would like to just keep sleeping. I have tests very soon, but nothing is motivating me to study. I am in the middle of people but not quite so! Nothing feels real or really good.  X

Ans Dear X,

I appreciate your awareness about the experience, your understanding that it is not OK to feel this way and reaching out for support. It takes a lot of strength to continue with all the University activities that one is expected to be involved in, with the emotional numbness that you are going through. I appreciate your willpower to feel and do better and the efforts that you are making.  There can be various causes of this experience which cannot be diagnosed without a thorough assessment. It may be symptom of a condition that requires medical and psychotherapeutic support. I would suggest that you start journaling your feelings and experience and consult your physician or the Counseling centre at the University whichever is feasible at the earliest. Please prioritize it as all your activities would require your complete engagement and presence which requires feeling and getting better.

Q-  I am a middle aged housewife with grown up working children and supportive husband. Life appears fine and there is no major problem as it is. However, I have started getting very worried when my children and husband leave home from work. I keep getting negative thoughts about their safety, some accident or incident to keep me scared throughout the day. I try to distract my mind but the thoughts bother and I end up praying all day or checking their face book or social media profiles to see them active there and feel reassured that all is well. I was always a worrying type of person, but now when everything is settled, I am getting more fearful and nervous. Mrs. A

Ans- Dear A,

I can imagine how hard it is for you to live with the fears regarding safety of your loved ones. As you mentioned that you have been nervous or rather emotional and sensitive since a younger age; the cause may  be part of your personality, childhood experiences or parental modeling. However, the good part is that you are aware that the fears are irrational, and you are trying ways to keep yourself busy, relaxed and distracted from the thoughts. These efforts speak volume about your ability to help yourself. Please begin to explore the interests, hobbies and unfulfilled dreams of childhood /youth that you wanted to get involved in. Explore the courses, meet-ups, clubs related to these interests in and around your city. Discuss with your family and join one of these. Alternatively, explore volunteering opportunities around your home that you would be interested in. Once your family leaves for the day and you are free from chores, spend 20-30 minutes in guided meditation (using a good you tube video/audio) followed by affirmations of safety of your family.

Journal your fears, thoughts and the time it occurred during the day and include 20-30 minutes of physical exercise in your schedule to support you in stress management. In the evening check with your family members what were they doing at that particular time(that you have written down). Tell your mind to remember “my family is safe and all is well” with complete awareness and conviction before you go to sleep at night.  However, if all these techniques do not help you enough, consult your family physician and get an assessment done from a psychologist. Psychotherapy may be required to deal with deeper issues that you are probably not aware of.

DISCLAIMER: The answers given in this column are not to be taken as a professional psychotherapy service.  It is completely educational in nature. Please note that each individual’s situation is different and one must consult a therapist for psychotherapy service or advice.

Rima Sehgal PhD

Registered Psychotherapist

rima.sehgal@fulbrightmail.org.

 

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