MIND YOUR MIND

Q- How do I know if and when I need a therapist?-SG

1. Dear SG,

I am glad you asked this question because often people find it difficult to understand the nature of mental distress and blame it on circumstances or people. When we have a physical complaint like pain, injury, fever, indigestion, etc. than it is easily decided that we need to go to the doctor. But when our moods begin to get jittery,or sad, or irritable or too excited; it is hard to identify the problem. Rather we continue to find reasons and blame it on others or situations. Please remember, any changes in your psycho-emotional, cognitive (related to thoughts) or social behavior that begins to make routine functioning difficult and keeps moods low or dangerously high; needs to be given attention. A consultation with a physician, psychotherapist or psychologist would clarify where it is coming from and what is the line of treatment.

Q-I lost my mother three years ago to an illness. She suffered in the last year of her life. However, after her death there is a huge void in my life. There is not a day that I do not miss her. I find it difficult to stop my tears and get overwhelmed easily. -LN

1. Dear LN,

Loss of a loved one is too profound to overcome easily. However, each individual grieves the loss in a different way. Similarly, people take different duration of time to recover from grief. It gets complicated by other conditions such as physical, social or emotional dependency on the departed. When there is dependency then life has to be looked at in a new perspective, defining new routines, and looking for support from other relations. Some things that work are self-care, physical exercise(walks, gym, swimming, etc.-any routine) and active involvement in social activities. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has identified five linear stages of grief that most people are now familiar with; namely Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depressionand Acceptance. Ultimately, the goal is to accept that the loved one is lost forever. Usually people move on from one stage to another as they get bust and back to the normal daily routines.  Family and other social support can be a protective factor; however, if all these efforts do not make you feel better, it would be a good idea to go for psychotherapy and seek help to develop resilience. In addition to individual therapy, group therapy can be helpful as it allows each member to support the other and themselves through sharing their personal pain of grieving. Listening to others in the same condition provides better insight and builds support.

Q- As a High school graduate, I recently took break from school and started living by myself.  Although all through, most of my childhood has been with my grandmother. My parents separated when I was 6 years old and my mom had three boyfriends after that; she stayed with them one after the other. Leaving me with my grandmother. I had a good friend before High School, but her parents moved and I am lonely since then. I have difficulty in starting a conversation with people. I fear what would they think about me.  Although good in academics, I never discussed or answered in class during High school. Nobody knows my feelings, I wonder if I will ever get a friend. – CJ

1. Dear CJ,

It is not difficult to understand why you struggle in expressing yourself. However, the thoughts and fears that you are paying attention to is making the challenge grow in your mind. Begin taking baby steps by connecting with one or two friendly people in your extended family, take a part time work at a place that would give you exposure to simple conversations such as in a retail store or a cashier at a food outlet and join a social group of any interest or hobby. Nobody knows what is in you, neither will they until you take the first step. Recognizing your loneliness shows intelligence and self- awareness, which would strengthen your efforts.  Take the first step. Identify the activities that interest you, list the first five and join something in the top three-either through work in that area, volunteering or a meet-up group. You will require to take the step and get started.  Alternately, meet a counsellor.

DISCLAIMER: The answers given in this column are not to be taken as a professional psychotherapy service.  It is completely educational in nature. Please note that each individual’s situation is different and one must consult a therapist for psychotherapy service or advice.